We feel sorry that the following article was just an April Fool's joke. Please read the interesting feedback we have been getting.
Retirement Home ‘Radio Amigos’
![]() |
![]() |
50 years ago, in July 1958, the launch of Radio Mercur
started the offshore radio boom in Europe. Nowadays, the offshore stations are
increasingly considered
in a nostalgic way. The deejays and personnel having served on the ships as well
as their listeners are getting older. This also applies for the hundreds of
people who visit the annual Radio Days in Erkrath, Calais and Amsterdam with
melancholic feelings. Many of these enthusiasts have even reached their
retirement age, are wearing glasses and some even need hearing-aids, have
synthetic hips or need specific assistive technology.
These are the reasons that the organizers of the Amsterdam Radio Day (Hans Knot,
Rob Olthof and Martin van der Ven) have been dealing with the question how to
help all these elderly radio enthusiasts. In several brain-storming sessions
comprehensive plans were made which are now laid out to the public for the very
first time. After several discussions and negotiations with financial
institutions and insurance companies the financing of the project has been
assured. Flats in the “Radio Amigos” retirement home can be booked from today.
The residence is located close to the beach in the vicinity of a small holiday
village between Scheveningen and Noordwijk. The exact location will not be
mentioned until in a few months time in order to cope with the anticipated rush
of interested parties. Although, a first photograph is presented in this report
to give applicants a reasonable idea of what the complex looks like:
The retirement home for offshore radio friends offers options for every purse:
Luxury apartments as well as simple two-bed cabins will be available. This
should attract both well-to-do people like Joost de Draaijer (Willem van
Kooten), Erik de Zwart (Paul de Wit), Lex Harding or Ronan O'Rahilly and also
the offshore enthusiast with a smaller budget. Everyone will be able to feel
comfortable and to follow one's pleasure. The spacious “galley” offers excellent
meals which will be served in the central “saloon” of the residence. In this way
dinner can be enjoyed together. Mitch, the well-known steward of the MV Galaxy
(Radio London) will be there to enhance the pleasure. A “meals on wheels”
service right to your room is also available.
We can also announce that radio veteran Keith Skues serves as the official
patron of this project. Once a month he will present his famous programme
“Pirate Radio Skues” from the studio in the central glass-dome of the ‘Radio
Amigos’ residence (a simulcast broadcast will be organized by Radio Waddenzee).
The first contracts have already been signed and some of the names of the
inhabitants can officially be announced: Graham Gill (RNI, Caroline, Radio 390
and others) will become the Senior
Guide who will be welcoming every new inhabitant upon his or her arrival. He
will make them feel at home and introduce them to the rules of the residence.
Graham will regularly make appearances in the dining room to perform his
favourite songs (“Way Back Home”) in order to raise the spirits of the
residents. Bob Noakes (RNI, Caroline and more) has signed as the janitor and
will be available day and night – even if there is trouble with your vintage
tape recorder. Not too surprisingly Rob Olthof ("de man met de melktas")
acts as manager of the retirement home. At the same time he will be the vendor
of his own store in the building by the name “Tweemal kopen - eenmal betalen”
(meaning “Get two for the price of one”). Vinyl discs, thousands of cassettes
and hundreds of vintage reel to reel tapes will be offered at very low prices.
There will also be a special sales event on every Saturday afternoon, assisted
by Jana Knot-Dickscheit and Ulrike van der Ven.
The residents of the elderly home have a lot of advantages: On the weekends
there will be scheduled bus trips to the vessel “Jenni Baynton” in Harlingen
harbour. Good-humoured Sietse Brouwer will show you around the radio ship that
houses Radio Waddenzee and Radio Seagull. During the summertime Leen Vingerling
(“Love me tender”) will organize special boat trips along the Dutch coast. The
former anchorages of the radio ships will be visited as well as the position
where once the famous REM-island was situated. Opportunities to throw flower
bouquets into the water will be given at these special mooring areas. Special
church services will be held on Sunday mornings - organized by the churches of
the late pirate vicars Johan Maasbach and Dr. Toornvliet. In August Roy Masters
will come over from US to present his readings (“The Power of Words”).
The house dog Raffles II and the canary Wilson II will also add to the
attractions. On a regular basis François Lhote from France will perform his
multimedia presentations (“The Offshore Radio Years - now in colour, 16:9 HD TV
and in Dolby Surround”). All rooms of the building offer the possibility to
listen to old offshore radio recordings which are horizontally programmed. Keith
Hampshire is on during breakfast-time, followed by Tony Windsor. At midday the
Dutch “Baken 16” with Marc Jacobs is on the air, while old tapes of Veronica’s
Rob Out are played during the drive time spot. Andy Archer and Johnny Walker
fill the evening spots. Finally Norman Barrington will take you through the
night.
Informative meetings will be held in the big conference room during the
evenings. Attendants will for instance be informed about the ”Ronan O’Rahilly
Fund” which was set up recently. Residents will be able to invest in this fund.
Financial safety and care are playing a more and more important role nowadays.
Being an expert on the field of managing offshore radio stations, O’Rahilly will
present his thoughts (“Stinginess is cool – financial safety for the elderly”)
biannually.
Meetings will be held in the big conference room as well as in a number of
seminar rooms that are also available. This will contribute to the
attractiveness of “Radio Amigos”.
Under the supervision of the University of Groningen the “Offshore Radio
Academy” was founded as a model project especially aimed at the elderly. Several
courses and lectures for the offshore radio enthusiast will be held. Some
scientific challenges are expected. Some topics can already be announced:
Peter Moore: “Modern management and the financial success of a radio station
in the 21st century.”
Johnnie Walker: ”Is ‘Frinton Flashing’ still up-to-date?”
Juul Geleick: “Conservation for eternity – is the future already behind us?”
Douwe Dijkstra: “Gaining a fortune with the REM-island-stock – a retrospective.”
Andy Archer: “The responsible use of mind expanding substances in international
waters.”
Hannibal: “How I battled the British Navy.”
Graham Gill: “The eroticism of the offshore pirates.”
Ben Meijering: “From 8 mm movies to the Blue-Ray-Disc.”
Geography, physics and geometry will not be left out at the Academy. The
following items have been planned:
Geography for grandchildren with questions like: ‘Where is the Great Barrier
Reef?” “Knock Deep and other shoals.”
“How much asbestos prevents the demolishment of a radio ship?”
“The construction of an anchor chain suitable for use on the Atlantic Ocean.”
“How much cement can be loaded onto a ship without the danger of sinking?”
“The tallest transmitter mast on an oil tanker.”
Finally some political topics will give reasons for discussion:
Jan Sundermann: “Radio Nordsee International as a precursor to the German
reunification.”
Allan Weiner: “Radio New York International and the conspiracy of September
11th.”
N/A: “Solving the war in Iraq by the use of an American offshore radio station?”
Mike Brand: “The Voice of Peace and a comprehensive peace solution for the
Middle East.”
Chris Edwards: “John F. Kennedy, George Harrison and Radio Caroline.”
Hans Knot: “The Carl Mitchell archive and the Stasi of the former German
Democratic Republic.”
N/A: “Radio Brod - was it possible to save the former Yugoslavia?”
Tommy Rivers: “Eurosiege and the European Union.”
Hans
Knot will be in charge of the massive home-archive. In addition to countless
audio recordings there will be also a big text archive. Knot will also be
organizing premises for the Download Club, combining old and new technology in
order to assist the members on their mission to preserve old radio recordings.
An “Offshore Radio Library” will be established with a special emphasis on
Knot’s works. These will soon also be available as audio-books. Hans will give
readings from his own works on a regular basis (“From my books”). Discussion
nights are planned for which Knot will be joined by international guests.
His reading “Radio - a way of life” should be of special interest. Knot is also
preparing a presentation on the subject “The archives of Freewave, Hans Knot and
the Foundation of Media Communication – ‘who is who’ in terms of copyright”. A
special highlight will be his essay “The beard is gone – what’s left to research
for the radio historian?” All events organized by Hans Knot will also be
transmitted simulcast with the friendly help of Hans Visser’s radio station
“100%NL”.
The
hard life on board the radio ships led to a number of problems for the deejays
as well as their fans. Dr. Martin van der Ven has kindly agreed to be
responsible for the psychiatric treatment of the residents of “Radio Amigos”. As
part of the “Offshore Radio Academy” he has been preparing several lectures:
“Relaxation therapy during force 10 winds.”
“Obsessive-compulsive and delusional disorders – Borderline cases on the High
Seas.” (Guests will include Johan Rood, Steve Conway and Mike Barrington.)
“Loving Awareness leads to better orgasms.”
As an Internet expert he also offers the following courses:
“How do I write an e-mail to Johnnie Walker or Steve England?”
“How to save the Radio Mi Amigo 192 stream onto a hard disk?”
“How many downloads can the human brain bear, or: Can the Download Club lead to
addiction?”
Besides these more serious topics, the categories “Sport, Games and Stress” will
certainly play an important role in the new retirement home. Several trips,
excursions, courses and tournaments will be offered.
Charlie Wolfe will host a gymnastic course for radio seniors (“We all do it
standing up”).
Jelle Boonstra will, hopefully, be the choir leader (“We sing our offshore
tunes”).
Captain Jan Harteveld and Bob Le-Roi will also be there to give those between 60
and 80 years the possibility to get their boat driver permit.
Elija van den Berg will lead the course “Design your own Tony Allan t-shirt”.
John Platt even offers two activities: Young-at-hearts go on guided summer dives
to search for the Mi Amigo which sunk in 1980. During the wintertime he offers
the course “Model-building for the Christmas market (MEBO-II, REM-Island,
Shivering Sands Fort)”.
Arie Swets will lure men as well as women to the Residence’s kitchen with his
high standards of culinary work (“Cooking for starters”).
Jonathan Myer will perform slide presentations with special quests from Great
Britain (“That was our life on the High Seas.”)
Peter Chicago will lead a course with the title: “How do I transform my iPod
into a medium wave transmitter?”
On Monday evenings Jan van Veen will read poems by candlelight (“I looked into
your eyes and you dreamed of Radio Veronica”).
Last
but definitely not least there will be a course in English, hosted by Mary
Payne. Text examples from the Radio London archive will be used. All
participants are required to wear shorts and pirate-style t-shirts from April
1st to September 30th.
Another highlight will surely appeal to the well-trained individuals among the
residents. Robin Banks (Adcroft) will host the month-long “Survival of the
fittest – Big Brother on Red Sands” which will be shown simulcast on Veronica
TV. Prizes are:
1. A week-long trip to Lanzarote, being the guest of Stella and Robbie Dale.
2. Five days of hands-on training: “Let’s restore the Ross Revenge.”
3. A weekend on the LV 18 in Harwich harbour.
4. A guided pub tour in London’s Highgate with Peter Moore.
5. A guest appearance on Radio Caroline via satellite.
Still looking for more? Johnny Lewis offers the course “GBH Home Brewing –
let’s brew our own offshore beer”, which will probably attract a record number
of participants.
By the way, talking about participating, are you interested in moving into the
“Radio Amigos” retirement home? Just send us an , tell us your personal
wishes and order our current brochure at the same time.